Letter from a difficult parent
I am a difficult parent, in fact I am
probably the most difficult parent you have to deal with. I am the parent you
try and avoid, sometimes asking someone else to interrupt, so you do not get
stuck with me. I am not actually a difficult person and in other contexts I am
easy to deal with, but when it comes to my child and school I am your worst
nightmare.
Firstly I know too much. I haven’t just
looked up the information about schools and levels and national standards, I
really know about them. I’m a teacher myself, so I know about where my child
should be, the curriculum they should be covering and what the OFSTED report
really means. They say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but with
my child, it is a lot of knowledge that makes it hard for you. You simply
cannot fob me off with jargon or standard phrases because I can read between
the lines. Please don’t give my child end of year levels that are ‘dumbed’ down
so as to show more progress at a later stage. I will know when they are wrong
and I will challenge you over them. You might see me as being demanding, but I
just want things to be done properly.
You ought to remember that homework is my
biggest link between home and school. What my child brings home is the clue to
how well they are doing and what they have been covering in class. I might tell
you that the reading book is too easy, but it’s not that I’m being difficult, I
realise how hard it is to hear so many children read and make sure they are all
reading books they should be reading, I’m actually just trying to help you, by
pointing it out. I will also write
helpful notes on the homework, to show you where there was help given or where
my child struggled. I do know it is different at home, where it is one to one,
so I like to make it clear in order for the homework to be helpful to you when
you mark it.
I am a difficult parent. My child is
extremely able. He has not always shown you this in school, but I know it and I
want you to know and understand it too.
He is a boy so he has done the ‘boy’ thing of only doing the minimum to
get by, but I can see what he is capable of and I am going to tell you about
it. I don’t mean to be rude, I know how busy you are, but he really is very
bright and what he does at home does not seem to be reflected in the work he
does at school. Have you noticed he can actually read fluently? That he can do
some maths like ratio and fractions when I know he has not been taught them?
Have you seen he uses words like created instead of made, or scrumptious
instead of nice, and he spells them correctly? He is only six and he can do all
this; it would be so wonderful if you could see how incredible he is too!
I am a difficult parent and this is what
makes me the most difficult of all. I am anxious, all the time, with no let up,
because my child has health issues. We are not just talking bad coughs or lots
of stomach upsets. His health issues are complex and life threatening, all pervading
and there is not a day that goes by when you won’t have to deal with them. He
has Type 1 Diabetes so you have to watch him like a hawk, no exceptions. You
have to give him injections and learn how to deal with counting carbohydrates
when he eats. You have to manage the fact that if his blood sugar is too high
he will be emotional and difficult and if his blood sugar is too low it is a
medical emergency. You have to deal with all of this and I have to trust you to
do it. It makes me anxious, I’m not sure you really know what you are doing and
I’m entrusting you with my precious child. It makes me very difficult to deal
with because I get very emotional and angry if things do not go how they
should. He has a care plan and you should be following it. I know that the
nature of Diabetes is that it is completely unpredictable but I am still
entrusting my child into your care and I have to do this, even though it makes
me fearful. How will I know that you can look after him properly? How will I
know that you can keep him safe?
I am a difficult parent, how are you going
to help me?
[Part 2- the response- next week]
